


He Loves Me (Not)

by diphylleia_grayi



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Past Relationship(s), clearing out my archive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 13:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diphylleia_grayi/pseuds/diphylleia_grayi
Summary: The pain doesn't fade with time.





	He Loves Me (Not)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by 'Hello' by Boys Republic.

Kyuhyun took a swig from the glass, putting it down with a thud that echoed through the empty flat. It hadn’t always been this way. Once, there’d been another man here, one who, if he’d still been around, would have eased the glass out of his fingers, would have knelt down beside the chair and pushed the hair out of his eyes, not saying anything with his mouth but promising the world with his eyes.

But Kyuhyun had never felt so terrible while he’d been around. It had been so long ago but there was no way, he thinks, that he could have had a heart so heavy while the man who’d held it in his own hands was still standing before him.

It was easy to imagine that that was still the case. Easy to pick up the phone, scroll down a little to find his name and type out a message, as if he was just staying with his parents for the weekend.

_Hello, how have you been?_

A process he’d repeated several hundred times since that day, but he still hadn’t picked up the courage to send even one of those messages – he wasn’t even sure if the man had changed his number since (there was no reason for the man to tell him that, anyway) - so every time he pressed that name, he saw the same message in the text box, typed over and over again, each one for every time Kyuhyun had thought of him.

Where had it gone wrong, anyway?

Kyuhyun hadn’t been in the wrong: everyone had agreed on that. Even the person that man had left the apartment with had said he was sorry, that Kyuhyun hadn’t deserved this, but this was what those two wanted, that man and that person. If he hadn’t been seen that man’s apologetic smile a mere second later, Kyuhyun would have said that the pity that person had felt for him was the most painful part of the whole story.

The pain wasn’t sharp anymore, but rather a throbbing in the back of his head, something not noticeable and so apparently not a cause for concern, so even he sometimes managed to forget that the man had ever happened. It was only at times like this, when the doorbell rang and Kyuhyun’s heart leapt and he was running, calling that man’s name as he opened the door, and a smile that hurt his cheeks fell and he mumbled an apology, and after a while trudged back to his laptop where he’d been mindlessly scrolling through that man’s Facebook page filled with smiling selcas, that he realised what he’d found himself doing yet again. Honestly, it was sad, where he’d ended up. It was like a maze, an endless maze, and no matter how far he walked, he still lingered by that man’s side.

The one who'd come to visit was an acquaintance of his, an old friend from college. Her armful of flowers had stood out sharply against her simple white dress, but her smile had been brighter still. It’s spring now, she’d said, so Kyuhyun really should have some more colour in his flat, like he used to before - why had he stopped buying flowers, anyway? The closest florist was only a few streets away and he could surely make the effort to walk that far. And before she got distracted, could she quickly put these in a few vases?

Those flowers had only been there because he, that man, is a florist.

One of the vases was by the window, and that was where he made his way to now. He’d stood here a long time ago, that man’s arms wrapped around him and pressing their bodies together, his chin resting on Kyuhyun’s shoulder as Kyuhyun pulled off petal after petal off a white carnation, murmuring under his breath before tossing them into the wind.

 _Look, I understand if you have to mumble the second part, but honestly, I wanted a little more passion from you,_ the man had said, amused.

 _Fine,_ Kyuhyun replied, rolling his eyes. _He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not..._

 _You have to keep going till the end,_ the man urged.

Kyuhyun sighed, and bit his lip to hide his smile. The last petal came off easily, and unlike the others, this one was carried towards the sky.

_He loves me._

"Yah, Wookie," Kyuhyun murmured now, rolling the stem of a white carnation between the tips of his fingers. "Did you put this one in on purpose?"


End file.
